Mike Wittmer

ask us how we defeated global warming

Grand Rapids just completed our coldest July ever. Our average temperature for the month was 67.1 degrees. We never went above 84. Three days didn’t climb out of the 60’s. We did receive plenty of sunshine (63% of what was available), so lack of sunlight was not the issue. Actually, unless you enjoy swimming at the beach and garden fresh (okay, organic) tomatoes, this has been a perfectly temperate summer.

Historically, this year isn’t that much of an anomaly, as the second coldest July was as recent as 1992 and the five hottest were way back when Cleveland still won championships (1921, 1916, 1901, 1936, and 1955).

My point is not to dwell on this inconvenient truth, but to invite your suggestions as to why our climate is so cold. I think it may have something to do with Michigan’s 15% unemployment, which in turn has a lot of us holding our breath, which in turn has cut down on the amount of carbon dioxide which we are releasing into the atmosphere. Or maybe our cows aren’t farting. But New York City had its second coldest July ever, so it’s not just us (or our courteous cows).

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5 responses to “ask us how we defeated global warming”

  1. dino

    I blame Bush. Everyone else does.

  2. Bill N.

    Once upon a time as a kid back on the farm, I was out in the cow pasture. I happened to walk behind this one cow and was a good 15 or so feet behind her, (surely a safe and assured clear distance), but just as I passed behind her, she lifted her tail and let loose and as far back as I was, I still got splatterd…. I only mention it to attest to the power of the cow to [impact global warming]….

    But also with “everybody” leaving Michigan for lack of jobs, our emssions footprint is decreasing.. Think of all the new [park land in Flint, Pontiac, and Detroit]. Plus our Governor is from Canada, and it’s generally colder [up there]. Clearly things will not warm up [climate or economy] until she’s gone….

    Cheers!

  3. Jason

    Global Warming, of course…which is caused by “man”.

  4. Jack H

    Bill N.

    Waaaaaay back when you were a kid on the farm, did they even have an issue with carbon emmissions? Other than acid rain from coal burning furnaces, what else did they have? The internal combustion engine had not even been invented. When you were a kid you still had to walk to school in ten feet of snow, going uphill both directions. Global warming would have been a blessing. I guess that’s why I respect your seasoned wisdom.

  5. Joel

    Well, I think you have to realize that all humyns are to blame. What it shows me is that Global Warming is leading to cooler temps in some areas because of pollution. If you disagree with me, then you’re a racist and a womyn hater.

    The other alternative is that Bush probably left some kind of device that is causing lower temps in Michigan, similar to what he did in New Orleans. Not only does Bush hate black people (so the fact goes), he hates white people as well. If you disagree with me, then you’re a racist and a womyn hater.

    Then again, I think it’s just this simple little truth:

    “… this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal/[cool]…”

    (I wanted to see how many liberal puns I could get in one response)

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