I live in Ada, Michigan, the hometown of a successful business which is celebrating its golden anniversary this week. I don’t want to say out loud what the business is, but if you are free this evening, I’d like to stop by after my softball game and tell you about a terrific opportunity for you and your family. And then if you tell five friends, and they each tell five friends, in no time at all you will find yourself in that 2% of the population that Obama intends to tax.
Here’s the thing. The fellow who started that business also happens to own the Orlando Magic, the next obstacle to Lebron James finally bringing a championship to Cleveland. And since that man is a fine Christian, and a Republican to boot, you have to know that God is pulling for him. How else to explain the injury to Kevin Garnett? His injury, which enabled the rise of my neighbor’s team and the downfall of the Celtics, proves once again that God likes soap products (cleanliness is next to godliness) and hates Ben Affleck.
And since God also hates Cleveland—if he was truly impartial wouldn’t Cleveland have won something in my lifetime?—this next series is shaping up badly. Even the prophet Charles Barkley is picking the Magic. So here it is: the King must lift an entire city—an entire region—on his young and very broad shoulders, and challenging more than 50 years of karma, God, and now the Religious Right (my neighbor built a chapel for D. James Kennedy), he must try to accomplish what hasn’t been done since before my neighbor began pushing (Nutrilite) pills. Sadly for Cleveland fans, we already know how this ends. TP party, anyone?