homosexual practice and temple prostitution

First Things published this satirical-with-a-point response from one Lutheran group to their cousins in the ELCA who recently voted to accept actively gay clergy and gay marriage.  My thanks to Matthew Westerholm for bringing this to my attention.


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  1. Swift would be proud. This would be down right hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetically true in its point.

  2. This is brillant. I love reductio ad absurdum. But this does make me wonder: does Matthew Westerholm ever do any work or does he just surf the Internet all day and night?

  3. I always picture Matthew Westerholm, kneeling in solitary prayer in the Cornerstone University chapel at some unspeakable late hour, until the Holy Spirit quietly tells him that a cutting satire, theological gem or groundbreaking jazz harmony has been posted somewhere to the internet, at which point he mumbles a tearful “thank you,” zips up the case of his ESV study bible, and answers the call.

  4. Wow, is the American Lutheran Publicity Bureau always this funny?

  5. Chicago Guy:

    You know Matthew a little too well. Are you related?

    One note of correction: CU doesn’t actually have a chapel. We worship where the rest of America does–in a sports complex. Everything else in your post was embarrassingly accurate.

  6. One night I hid in the CU chapel and watched Matthew, to catch a glimpse of his piety and meditation. Around 3 am, the chapel filled with light and Matthew leviated in front of the altar, and a mighty voice announced, “Matthew, you have well understood my psalms.” Then the light was gone and Matthew was kneeling again, a look of beatific glory on his face.

    Disclaimer: This is a ridiculously obscure reference, and if you get it, then you spend too much time reading Medieval hagiography.

  7. ThomasAquinas, serious question:

    What books or articles would you recommend if I’m looking into hagiography of the 7th-9th centuries?

  8. ThomasAquinas:

    To complete your obscure story, it should be mentioned that after Matthew’s mystical experience he never played the piano again, for all of his pop rock ditties now seemed like so much straw.

  9. Hmm, beginning to sound like Luther.

  10. I take a weekend off from the internet, and look what happens.

    ChicagoGuy: You are either my brother, or the spam-bot that will one day rule the Matrix. If the later—on behalf of enslaved humanity—please stop after one movie.

    Jonathan: It’s sad that you’re still angry about my triumph in the Theological Song competition. *THAT* feather in your cap would have gotten you into any Ph. D. program!

    And tell Monseigneur Aquinas to stop using your computer. It’s embarrassing. Does HE “ever do any work or does he just surf the Internet all day and night?” At this rate, he’ll only write “Zuma Theologica.”

  11. Matthew:

    I will forever be bitter that you trumped me in the Theological Song competition. I finally – FINALLY – came up with something Dr. Wittmer found clever and you had to swoop in and steal my moment. Smart, funny guys like you get to be clever all the time. I only get to be clever when my wife isn’t around and I can steal someone else’s ideas.

    And Thomas is actually working on “Zima Theologica” now that CU “allows” him to partake.

    Are you taking the American Evangelical course with Dr. Gundry this spring?

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