Next year we celebrate the 400th anniversary of the King James Version, so wouldn’t it be cool if churches dusted it off for a throwback Sunday? The fact that I just used an archaic term like “cool” is a sign that I am really excited about this idea. Any reasonably accurate throwback Sunday should include the following elements (please add your suggestions):
1. Suits, ties, and dresses.
2. An organ
3. An offertory—four minutes of nothing. What would you give for four minutes of downtime today? Figure it out then put it in the offering plate as it comes by.
4. A special number, sung right before the sermon, preferably by a woman in your church who is the closest thing you have to Sandi Patti.
5. A giant thermometer that tracks the giving to your missions or building campaign.
6. A Sunday School attendance board.
7. The term “stanza,” “backslider,” and “hell”—a real place that backsliders should worry about.
8. Uncle Jack shouting “Amen!” every time the sermon takes a swipe at Arminians, liberals, and Democrats.
9. An altar call.
10. “Just as I am” and/or “Softly and Tenderly.” See #9.
11. The phrase “Every head bowed and every eye closed.” See #9.
12. All the visitors standing so you can sing “There’s a welcome here.”
13. Dutch (for those living in West Michigan).