scholastic comedy

I’m in the middle of the end of semester grading, and here are some interesting comments I’ve seen so far.

One paper footnoted the term “the.”  It was obviously a mistake, as there is not a whole lot more information you can give down below.

Another sentence read “Notice the tow ‘ifs.’”  To which I reply, if you want me to notice a specific word, don’t misspell the word right before it, because that’s all I’m going to see.

I’m collecting student bloopers like that one, and I’ve now reached fifty.  Some of the ones that came in during the past year or so:   

“Mary was conceived through the Holy Spirit, which caused her to be pregnant with Jesus.”  (Even Roman Catholics don’t believe that Mary was pregnant before she was born).

“The power of Christ could not be overcome by Satin’s power of death.” (That 800 thread count is a killer)

“The issue of baptism is as old as itself.” (No kidding!).

Martian Luther is the theologian of justification.”  (He is out of this world!).

“The decorative cause of evil is not a creation of YHWH, but us.”  (So the cause of evil is…Martha Stewart?)

 “In Arminius’ view, the correct order of the gospel is that God gave His Sin, to whom we respond by repentance and faith.”  (This seems to be a stretch, even for Arminians)

“It seems obvious to Luther that Pope Leo has been told quite negative things about his message and the manor in which that message is delivered.”  (Not only does the pope disagree with what you’re saying, he also thinks your house is the ugliest building in Germany).

 “For instance, if one becomes hungry, McDonald’s, Burger King, and Subway seem to be in every medium to large size city in the USA.  While on the expressway there are exits where one goes to rest or buy gasoline for continence.” (Doesn’t gas contribute to incontinence?)

Finally, I was reading a college catalogue last week and noticed an intriguing course entitled “The Intercultural Mandate.”  This seems to be political correctness run amok.  I know about the cultural mandate and the redemptive mandate, but I’ve never heard of this one.  Is it God’s command for us to mingle?! 

I would like to see evangelical colleges and seminaries return to the old language of “Christian missions.”  I understand that it’s more academically respectable to say “Intercultural Studies,” but words do matter.  I suspect that, at least in some circles, the redemptive mandate is being replaced by the intercultural mandate, whatever that is. 

And for an encore, here are three more jokes that you have probably already heard but were new to me:

1. I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

2. There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.

3. Grand Rapids was on the verge of getting an NFL team, but the league decided that if we got one then Detroit would want one too.


Add yours →

  1. funny stuff.

    i’ll bet you’re glad no one is posting all your teaching gaffes on the interweb!

  2. Isn’t it supposed to be “There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.”?

  3. You’re right, Tim. Now it’s funny! I hope this isn’t morally problematic, but I went ahead and changed it. Thanks for catching that.

  4. David- Now that is a great blog idea! I would read that!

  5. In Arminius’ view, the correct order of the gospel is that God gave His Sin, to whom we respond by repentance and faith.” (This seems to be a stretch, even for Arminians)

    Classic. These are great.

  6. Classic! My favs are “Satin’s power of death” … Guess I’ll stay with the Egyptian cotton sheets. Also the “intercultural mandate” – God’s command to mingle. Very funny!

    I found a few more:

    – Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

    – Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

    – The three wise guys from the East visited the baby Jesus. (Moe, Larry & Curly? … Soitenly!!)

  7. This is hilarious. My favorite is the pregnant baby Mary.

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