I posted this before, but many of my new readers haven’t seen this, and it fits with the first law of blogging: humor always attracts more hits than serious. So, in a shameless attempt to boost my blog traffic for one day, here is a “Top Ten List” I created for our seminary banquet a few years ago (I enlarged it to 13 so every member of the faculty could read one).
13. Your associate pastor is warming up in the bullpen.
12. The praise band begins playing you off the stage.
11. When asked to read from the King James Version, you involuntarily blush every time you say the word “ass.”
10. The congregation is filling in the blanks of your outline before you get there.
9. You think the lyrics to a bluegrass song are really connecting with your audience.
8. When you pause for dramatic effect, several people giggle.
7. Your cell phone starts ringing, and you answer it.
6. The person signing for the deaf just pulled on mittens.
5. When the children are dismissed to junior church, most of their parents go, too.
4. Your sermon took shape over a glass of wine and volume three of Left Behind.
3. Your interpreter just rolled his eyes and put your last statement in air quotes.
2. Desperate mothers are pinching their babies.
1. The ushers are handing out refunds.
Mike Wittmer 
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