more bloopers

Yesterday a friend noted that I often talk about the miserable futility of Cleveland sports on this blog. After a half century of continuous losing in three sports—a draught only broken last year when a girl from Cleveland won the National Spelling Bee—the worst is still to come.

Cleveland sports fans will finally hit bottom next month when our native son, LeBron James, wins his first championship for somebody else. As when Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore, the championships for Cleveland’s “cultured despisers” typically come in the second year after the betrayal. So we’re right on schedule.

Just to make sure, God seems to be sweeping away the best players from the Chicago Bulls roster, the only team that could challenge LeBron’s team in the Eastern Conference. At this rate, LeBron himself could go down and still win a title. From the perspective of a Cleveland sports fan, that would be the best case scenario. LeBron wins his first ring while on the disabled list (I’m not cheering for something career threatening, just a severe sprain or fractured ego).

Yesterday I listed my top ten student funnies, and today I have ten more. These aren’t quite as good, but one or two might make you smile.

10. “Bernard was a prolific writer, forging many books including 450 epistles dealing with contemporary events.”

It’s easy to be prolific if you’re merely copying other people’s work.

9. “Bernard wrote for a wider audience than Anselm—who wrote only for rational people.

Who did Bernard write for, morons?

8. “Bernard has placed ‘handles’ on love so that people can have an idea of where they are on God’s scale of holiness.

If you’ve got love handles, there is no better place to be than on God’s scales.

7. “Calvin gives more attention to the Spirit than the Father does.” 

Someone admires Calvin a little too much.

6. “Mary was conceived through the Holy Spirit, which caused her to be pregnant with Jesus.”

In this spectacular variation on the immaculate conception, Mary was pregnant before she was born.

5. Martian Luther is the theologian of justification.”

Yes, he is out of this world!

4. “I believe hat eschatology matters….”

This student either left out the “t” in “that,” or he is referring to the infamous sombrero rapture, which as you might guess, is the last event in the Mayan calendar.

3. “The issue of baptism is as old as itself.”

I had no idea.

2. “In my defense, I’ll admit to a position of personal injury.  When Wells makes his judgements and critiques against seminarians, that inlcudes me.”

When defending yourself against charges that you’re incompetent, make sure to spell your words correctly.

1. An ethics exam had this fill in the blank question:  “The view that there is no objective moral order is called ______________________.” The student wrote “Christian Ethics.”

I pray he’s not your pastor. But don’t fret about it. If he is, you would already know.


Add yours →

  1. In defense of #4, he appears to be “millinerian,” even brimming with confidence about his theological position.

  2. Wait, is number 6 Catholic??

  3. This was a student who gamely tried to present the Roman Catholic view. And they say Protestants don’t understand them!

  4. Is #2 a Brit? I believe they do spell “judgment” as “judgement” over there. I only bring this up because that’s one of my frequently butchered spellings and I would often grasp at whatever straws might be available to justify myself. Just sayin’.

  5. I am enjoying bloopers immensely. You would probably enjoy following @BibleStdntsSay on Twitter. I have to laugh … so I won’t cry.

  6. Dan: Actually that’s an American who doesn’t know the difference. I am tempted to give my students the benefit of the doubt on “judgement,” until I remember that we are in the new country, that we fought a war for the right to spell correctly, and if I don’t take a stand then the Brits win. Otherwise, feel free to justify yourself any way you can.

  7. I also like to spell “color” as “colour” and “Savior” as “Saviour.” But only to be a pretentious Anglophile. I still can’t quite bring myself to spell “tire” as “tyre,” “center” as “centre,” or “Lester” as “Leicester.” So maybe I’m not too far gone.

  8. Thanks for the smile. I’m glad I didn’t make the second round!

  9. Ooh! And “jail” as “gaol.” That’s one of my favorites (which I also don’t use).

  10. Number six made me snort, which had my children running over to see what I was laughing at.

    @Dan: Judgement can be spelt [spelled] either way in the UK 🙂

  11. I think you meant a drought, not a draught. 🙂

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