fresh bloopers

I keep a running tally of the funniest bloopers from student papers, which pace many educational leaders, seem to increase with the use of technology. Every year and a half I post the best bloopers in a shameless attempt to goose my blog stats, because nothing goes viral as quickly as humor.

My summer grading brought my list of bloopers to sixty, so in honor of that milestone I am posting the last ten. These are not the funniest of the bunch but they are the latest.

51) “When an individual accepts God’s call…he instantly becomes one of God’s adopted sons or daughters.”

(Do we get to choose which we want to become?)

52) “I believe hat eschatology matters….”

(This student either left out the “t” in “that,” or he is referring to the infamous sombrero rapture, which as you might guess, is explained in the Mayan calendar).

53) “God allows evil to exist although He can easily defeat goodness.”

(Sure, but why would he want to?)

54) “The contrast view originated from felix culpa.”

(This student thinks felix is the name of a person. If so, Felix Culpa is one of the worst names you could give your child:  “Good morning, Happy Fault.”)

55) Barth didn’t believe “in original sin, which was transmitted by Adam and Eve to their posterior.”

(The student meant “posterity,” but this does explain why Adam and Eve so desperately tried to cover their butts).

56) “After the period of tribulation, Jesus will bind Satan and return to sit on his throne and reign for 1,000 years.”

(That is a long time to sit in one place, unless one has a remote. Is this evidence that Jesus really is American?)

57) “Old Earth Creationism rejects Darwin’s theory of natural selection but recognizes science’s findings that the earth is much, much older than Young Earth Creationists.”

(So the saying that Ken Ham is older than dirt is just hyperbole?)

58) “It has been made known to me through scripture and His mighty handy work.”

(He meant “handiwork,” but given the mounting number of natural problems—melting glaciers, shrinking ozone layer, and approaching asteroids—it’s comforting to know that God is handy).

59) “I believe God reviles Himself in three ways.”

(“You stink!” “You’re short!” “No one likes you!”)

60) “God is a simple God. He has no parts that can fail.”

(But maybe he has a few that do?)