just stop it

Tomorrow night Nik Wallenda is going to do it again. He’s going to walk a tightrope between two skyscrapers in Chicago, and just to make it exciting, he’s going to do it blindfolded. I couldn’t watch last summer when he walked across the Grand Canyon, and I won’t be watching this time. Even if he makes it, Nik seems determined to keep pushing his limits until he finds them. Maybe I’m a coward, but I’d prefer not to know my limits and stay alive.

I like Nik a lot—he seems like a normal guy who is abnormally unafraid of heights. He’s got a beautiful young family who needs to keep him around. I pray they do, which is why I can’t watch.

Nik is a Christian, which means his repeated attempts to see Jesus are theologically interesting. When he walked over the Canyon, he incessantly said, “Dear Jesus,” “Oh, Jesus,” “Thank you, Jesus,” and so forth. It was the most shout outs to Jesus since the movie Top Gun (if I remember right, that movie had a lot of profanity). I imagine Jesus threw up his hands and yelled down at Nik, “Stop praying to me! I wasn’t the one who told you to get on that wire! You’re supposed to be a James 1:27 Christian, not one who contributes to the problem!”

Jesus also must have noticed that Nik performed his stunt after praying with his preferred pastor, Joel Osteen. That bothered me, until I realized that the same brain that thinks walking on a tightrope is a good idea might also fall for heresy. Joel’s presence at Nik’s walk gives me an idea. If the Discovery Channel wants the largest possible audience for tomorrow’s event, they’ll have Nik carry Joel on his back. In theological terms, that’s hedging our bets.