Sermon Fails to Trend

Last week I submitted this entry for the new evangelical satirical website, The Babylon Bee. I haven’t heard back, so I post it here for your enjoyment, conviction, and/or critique, if you’re that kind of person.

Rev. Geoff Cummings of Waters Edge Lutheran has been placed on administrative leave one month after his much anticipated Easter sermon failed to generate sufficient tweets. “This church will not tolerate failure of this magnitude,” announced elder Billy Tauber. “Especially after Pastor Geoff called his shot the night before. @therealGeoffCummings tweeted a picture of himself at prayer in his study with the hashtags #bringingittomorrow, #donotmissthis, and #getreadytogetjackedforjesus. And then not one person tweeted a single word he said. And we had college students! It’s clear his ministry here is over.”

Ten minutes into her husband’s sermon, Abby Cummings knew he was in trouble. “I thought people were paying attention and laughing at the right spots, but when I opened my Twitter app to see what they were getting out of the message, there was nothing. I checked Snapchat, Kik, and Facebook. Still nothing. I tried to jumpstart things by tweeting his best lines, ‘Resurrections only work in cemeteries, #he’salive,’ and ‘1 cross + 2 nails = 4given, #blessed.’ All anyone had to do was retweet.” She shook her head. “Only one person did, and no one follows him anyway.”

The lack of twitter response left liturgical drummer Marty McAllister feeling confused. “The church seemed full of joy as worshipers praised God and reconnected with old friends. But with no social media record of the event, how do I know if what I felt was real?”, he posted on Facebook. It got 92 likes and three sad emojis. The church was impressed, and announced that Mr. McAllister will deliver the sermon this Sunday.

Photo by Vishal Charles. Via Flickr. Used by permission.







4 responses to “Sermon Fails to Trend”

  1. Kevin Weaver

    Satire is hard. I think it is harder for Christians. I checked out the Babylon Bee and I don’t think it works all that well.

    I think this post works. It is hard to describe why some work and some don’t. I suspect part of it is that effective satire is usually biting, but most Christians don’t have the heart for that. (Any maybe they shouldn’t!) Another part might be that satire has to exaggerate, but much of Christian satire seems to be talking about what is really going on and just changes names to avoid direct attacks. This post avoids either of those problems.

    I really like Adam Ford’s main site – It is biting and direct at times, but I don’t see that as satire. Rather, I see him as using the medium of cartoons to report what is actually going on in parts of the professed Christian community.

  2. Charlie

    The Babylon Bee may have mistaken your satirical piece for a real news story.

  3. Jeremy

    I was at a wedding last Friday, and the priest actually said, “The bride and groom have hired fine photographers, so please feel free to enjoy the wedding.” It made me kind of sad that he needed to say it.

    I’m sure you could go online and watch the Barry Manilow concert at Van Andel, Dr. Wittmer. We don’t do anything without our phones, and nothing is mysterious anymore. Is anyone reading this comment in the bathroom?

    My favorite line, without a doubt: “…with no social media record of the event, how do I know if what I felt was real?”

    I started to chuckle, but felt sad almost as quickly. So true.

  4. rebekah

    Hi there Uncle Mike!
    I have been surviving my Bible class [we are covering the following subject right now = ]
    But anyway I really enjoy reading your blog it really incereges me when I am having a bad day! Thank You for Writing these blogs!

    -Rebekah Wittmer 🙂

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